If a woman does not keep pace with her companions,
perhaps it is because she hears a different drummer.
Let her step to the music which she hears, however measured or far away.

Thoreau (with a Conner twist)

All posts (including images and poetry) on this website are copyrighted by Sheila Conner.
Please do not use without permission.
Thank you.






Wednesday, March 23, 2011

CATCHING THE VIRUS



She lays in her bed late at night
nestled deep in the tranquility of her pint-sized world
attentive to conversations
around the kitchen table.
Voices,
rising and falling
with great vibrato,
contagion filling the air -

God talk.

Her 6-year old heart races as she attends their words.
O, to be like her daddy
who sits at that table.
Smart, handsome, the
very image and likeness of God -
Father.

School begins tomorrow.
He heads back to college to study more about God.
She dreams of holding his hand,
ascending infinite steps,
cracking through massive doors
to the great halls of wisdom -
her first grade class room.

Years fly by.
She continues to experience the effects of the virus,
a passion for learning and

God talk.


I've been pondering the energy around taking this on-line Integral Christianity course called Coming Home. The energy hit me Sunday morning before church, and I'm still living in it. Absolute joy at the idea of taking a course about "God". I'd rather do this than paint or even travel (my other two loves). It's what drives me, this love of learning about God and exploring the next phase of spirituality. It's a wonderful "virus" to have caught from my dad. I'm not well informed about "spiral dynamics", but that phrase has gone round and round in my for the last couple of days, as well. Perhaps it's connected? Not sure, but whatever's going on, it's juciy and alive and wonderful. An absolutely delicious feeling of LIFE!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Concentric Circles, Learning, and Coming Home



You know, I don't really have a clue where this blog post is going. I thought I knew. I had a plan. But even as I've put the photos above together and looked up the following poem I wrote a number of years ago, I didn't have "it" all. Like I said, I thought I did, but this has been a morning of synchronicities.

It started with watching the videos announcing the classes that Leslie Hershberger will begin teaching online on April 1st.

I watched those videos, and I felt a rush—pure joy. I want to take the 12-week course. I can hardly wait.

I told Mother this morning that I felt 6 again. You get to go to school when you’re 6. I could feel the same energy this morning that I felt way back then—I remembered the full skirt, the starched sash, the freshly curled hair—I can feel that familiar Big Chief tablet in one hand and that fat pencil in the other. And the excitement of that first day of school—real school!

My birthday falls on September 4—3 days past the deadline for public school in those days. And my mother panicked! What to do??? I was o so ready to go to school—and I knew 6 was THE age. ALL 6-year-olds get to go to school! Except those whose birthdays fall after September 1. But my daddy had an idea. He was going to Howard Payne Baptist College in those days, and they had a pre-school and 1st grade for students’ kids. He signed me up.

He’s probably one of the reasons I was so excited! One of my favorite memories is laying in bed at night listening to him and his friends around the kitchen table talking theology, professors, classrooms, and textbooks. O my gosh, I wanted to be like him. I wanted to go to school, and I wanted to preach, too!

I found out later that being a girl limited my capacity to preach like him, and my cultural upbringing and finances limited my ability to go to college. I never took more than a few business courses so I could go to work. But I didn’t get to go to school to learn about GOD! And that’s what my Daddy did.

I didn’t get to do that until I got a chance to go to the Cenacle in Houston. I took a 3-year spiritual direction course. Awesome! I was finally getting to do what I was created to do. Except….

And that’s where this little poem comes in:

“Concentric Circles”

… spoken long ago in yesterday,
between sleeping and waking,
heard again today as if brand new.
Words held out and continually repeated
as Invitation, the call to Mystery.
“Leave your comfort zone,
the safety of this place.
Move to
the next space,
the far distant shore,
the new horizon.”
Each movement
plunging me deeper into Mystery,
yet, always
bringing me Home.


That’s what my spiritual journey has been like—one horizon after another, always invited to move through my fears into the next place.

Kind of like Abraham, fka Abram. Andy preached Abram’s story this morning. Genesis 12:1 Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”

That’s been my story. Twenty years ago, I heard an invitation to “leave your father’s house and go someplace new.” I didn’t know then that I would re-hear the invitation a number of times, but apparently I’m hearing it again today. Too many synchronicities lining up, and this wonderful sense of adventure! And even as I finished this blog piece, it dawned on me that my poem ends with me coming home. And the title of this course is "Coming Home..." O wow!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Last Night's Ash Wednesday Witness...


The Ash Wednesday Ligurgy and St. Timothy's Ash Wednesday Witness event were so moving last night. I am incredibly grateful to be a part of this Community, and so very blessed to be a part of last night's Witness.

One of St. Timothy's core values is "Art as a pathway to knowing God." That's been my experience for the last 7 years, but I never expected to be part of a church community that valued the arts and implemented it as part of our "church experience".

A couple of months ago, Liz Parker, our Associate Pastor, heard the Spirit's whisper and felt the pull to incorporate the arts into our Ash Wednesday evening. She pulled a small team together, gave them her vision, and we were off and running.

After the Ash Wednesday Liturgy last night, 4 roomes were opened to the arts: two were used for people who wanted to write their thoughts in poetry and/or prose, one was opened for photographers to take images of our community with the imposed ashes marking their foreheads, and the Parish Hall was opened for those who wanted to make a visual image marking their experiences of Ash Wednesday. We also had a couple of "roving photographers" taking candids shots. The idea is to pull all of these creative "images" together in an exhibit to open on Palm Sunday when St. Timothy's offers the Brazosport Community an Easter Season Taize Service. After witnessing the Spirit and the Muse dancing together last night, I can only imagine how powerful that exhibit will be.

It's not often someone actually LIKES Ash Wednesday, but I do. It's only been a part of my life for the last 8 years, since coming into the catholic community. And I've had some profound Ash Wednesday experiences. Last night was no different.

Liz's emphasis on our Art event has been that Ash Wednesday is the one day of the year that the Church talks about death, the one day of the year that the world is reminded in a very visual way that death is a given. And we don't like that, especially here in the West.

All of us will die. That used to be a dreadful thought for me; I even convinced myself that I wasn't going to die, but that I would be one of those victorious overcomers of the Last Days who would be here when Jesus came back, and I would stand with him against the Antichrist...

whatever that is...

But death isn't as fearful for me anymore. Not that I want to die, but I've been given some very healthy "death instruction" over the last few years.

Painting has taught me: shadow is a necessary part of the picture--otherwise you don't see the Light. Night is as holy as Day. Centers of interest are found when Light and Darkness are most contrasted.

Science teaches me Solar systems die, planets die, nature goes through cycles of death and rebirth, Winter tells us death is coming--yet, for the most part, we don't want to talk about dying, at all, never--not our own death, nor the death of those we love.

I have a couple of friends who embrace the old women's religions. They've reminded me that death is part of the plan--and always has been.

I was recently privy to a very special blog for 4 months. Bill's wife Lilly was going through the death process, and Bill shared his experiences, fears, hopes, dreams, and pains with us. Death was discussed openly and honestly. I feel better prepared in some small way to face it when it comes knocking at my door. I so appreciate his honesty, in the face of that which seemed so cruel.

I've had friends who've had to bury their children, one of them recently. That doesn't seem fair, but that too is a part of this world's life experience.

Relationships die. Friendships end. Marriages break up. People move away. And Life goes on. That too is part of the plan.

And in the last few years I've befriended the darkness and found energy to walk into the light on numerous occasions. This isn't saying I want to experience it today, but at least I've been given glimpses into death as a part of life--not to be dreaded but accepted as part of the Original Plan.

For me, one of the most moving part of the Ash Wednesday Liturgy at St. Timothy's is probably unique to our church. Our pastors are husband and wife. I love watching them serve each other communion. But on Ash Wednesday, I watch them mark each other with ashes and tell each other, "You're going to die". And it moves me to tears every time.

As we moved forward last night, I saw in my mind's eye, millions, perhaps billions of people through the centuries moving toward the Cross to receive their ashes. This morning, as I worked on this little image, I pondered death, mortality, and with it, the hope for our tomorrows. Every closed door opens onto some new experience. It never, never ends. I firmly believe in Life after death. Not so sure how it will look--seriously doubt I'll dance on streets of gold, but who knows. All I know is whatever's on the other side is an extension of what we have here...a continuation of the journey in some other form. Like my mother says, "I'm not afraid of death. I'm not so sure about the dying part--that's pretty difficult to think about, but I know there's something more after this is gone."

And it's a pretty good thing that we allow at least one day a year to ponder our mortality. In the middle of efforts to extend life so that we don't die until we're hundreds of yeas old, in the middle of a culture where botox, plastic and dye in a bottle helps us look forever young, it's probably a pretty good thing to ponder Reality.

Now a little plug: St. Timothy's is offering all kinds of artistic processes during our Lenten Events, and you're invited to be a part of it.

Blessings...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

ASH WEDNESDAY WITNESS


ASHES

(Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.)

He stands before her dressed in purple,
a sign of his priesthood and the Lenten Season,
in his hand, a small dish filled with ashes of palms
mixed with holy oil and water.
He traces his thumb in the black mixture
and marks her forehead
with the sign of the cross, reciting
ancient words meant to remind her of her mortality

but instead, like a bolt of lightning she remembers
her beginnings,
not the date of her birth,
but the origin of her material substance
billions of years ago
at the dawning of the ages.
She feels her feet rooted
in dirt
in time
in space.
She is child of Earth, as well as Spirit.

Most of her life she has been taught
her time here below is preparation for there above,
true life begins only at death -
taught
She is disconnected from the Holy One.
Creation is fallen.
Genuine joy comes only after this vale of tears.
Heaven is her real home.

But at this moment, marked with ashes,
under the sign of the Cross,
she experiences the delight of being human,
woven into the fabric of the New Creation Story,
connected with all that was and is and ever shall be,
all that has been for billions of years.
Creation is good.
So is she.

She knows -
she has been given
beauty for ashes.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

SoulCollage® - THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE


I am the one who calls you to “Repent!”
You’re thinking so small.
Lay aside your riches and treasures,
your notions of truth.
Move! From the small mind of EOS,
through the Eye of the Needle
into Beginner’s Mind.
Open your hands and heart;
receive the Mind of Christ
no either/or, us/them, mine/yours,
but instead only the Whole.
Look for the new perspective.


Jesus began to proclaim, “Repent for the Kingdom of heaven has come near.” Matthew 4:17

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 3:5

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God. Matthew 1”9:24

The “needle”: Bourgeault’s “transformed consciousness”, Zen Roshi’s “beginner’s mind”, Merton’s “point of nothingness”, Jesus’ “poor in spirit”.

The “camel”: our “egoic operating system” [EOS], the small mind, the dualistic thought process, the either/or “binary mind that always perceives from a sense of scarcity and keeps track of the score through comparison and contrast”.

“Repent”: move “beyond the mind…into the larger mind…escape from the orbit of the [EOS]…and move instead into that nondual knowingness of the heart which can see and live from the perspective of wholeness.”

“At the center point of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and illusion, a point of pure truth, a point of spark which belongs entirely to God.” Thomas
Merton

Sometimes it seems Someone Else is doing SoulCollage® for me.

At my class Saturday, I was drawn to this camel—couldn’t put it down. What the heck is this about? Didn’t have a clue, except: “I really like this camel and I know that it has something to say.” So, I cut him out and brought him home.

This morning I picked up Cynthia’s book, and began reading Chapter 4 on repentance, The Path of Metanoia. The camel’s picture popped into my mind! It was so much fun! I could hear Jesus laughing all the way to my studio as I raced to find my camel, and I could hear him, too: “Eye of the needle, Sheila”. Sometimes things just click, and you know you know. You don’t know how you know, but you know you know. And it’s just delicious.

I think I just might learn to love that nasty old word “repentance” again. Surprise!

All quotes except those noted are from Cynthia Bourgeault’s book, The Wisdom Jesus”.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Hilarious Hilary!


I am the one who says to you, "LAUGH SHEILA! Get over yourself! Life is wonderful! LAUGH OUT LOUD!"

I attended a SoulCollage® class yesterday . I haven't done SoulCollage® for months! It's amazing how quickly I can forget how good something is for me. After taking my facilator's class last June, then holding a few classes, we had Mother's knee surgeries, I took my Sabbatical, and, well, time just got away from me. I meant to get back to it, I really did, but...well, you know how "important" other things just creep in. So, when I got the invite from Glenda Rice in Houston, I thought, "timing is everything! GO!"

And I'm so glad I did. And these lips and the spiral, and this wonderful photo of Hilary Clinton just blessed my socks off. This isn't about her politics--it's about her absolute gift of laughter! Raucus, gut bustin' laughter!

I live most of my life in the 4 room of the Enneagram--Ms. Melancholy, you know. Life is hard, and sad, and my story is so very, very important. It's so easy for me to frown, to be sad, to get angry, but laugh??? That's another story! My goodness, how much of my life I've lived in that tiny room. Mother and I have spoken often about how "serious" life was supposed to be. She was often told it wasn't "lady like" to laugh out loud. And I didn't have a pretty smile, what with my crooked teeth and bad gums, and all, you know? And I was a Puritanical Calvinist Christian, you know, who took life so seriously. That joy and happiness stuff was only for Heaven and the sweet by-and-by. I've even used the phrase, "At least they're good for a laugh", in a not so polite way.

But things they are a changing. To my friends who know how to belly laugh, BLESS YOU! To those of you who are GOOD for a laugh, THANK YOU. And oh, the joy of growing old and simply not giving a damn anymore! LIFE, I thank you!

And this morning, Thank you Hilary! If that powerful #8 can laugh like this, why can't I!

Can't you hear her, "Come out of the shadows Sheila! Drop your guard. Get out of your head and drop into your gut and LAUGH, for pete's sake."

LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH. Someday you'll catch me with my guard down, my mouth wide open, tears in my eyes, snot running down my nose--LAUGHING all the way home! :)