Give Me Something To Eat...

You know, I love synchronicity! You may call it "coincidence", but I've experienced it to be the voice of the Holy, and when it happens, I PAY ATTENTION.

For example, having TWO TAEHS groups...as if one isn't enough for most people, I'm blessed to be in two groups. And it's amazing how often they "piggy-back" on each other.

I finished one study Sunday morning with this wonderful, awesome, HEALING quote:

"Often for many of us the best we can do is want to believe. That is, we want to believe but either don't believe or are not sure whether we believe and to what extent we believe and whether we believe some of our story but not all o fit, and we can be utterly confused about all of this. Actually, virtually all of us will find ourselves in such a state at one time or another by our spiritual journey...Be that as it may, the basic, primary, and foundational principle of Christian faith remains the same, namely, that the best we can do is intend to follow God and [intend] to believe in God as we are and as we are able. All the rest is up to God. Were it not so, there would be no grace at all but only human effort and striving."

I am a "head" person, and "believing" has been of UTMOST importance to me all of my Christian journey (which is all of my life), but doubt has entered by force over the last few years...all kinds of doubts about everything. And a head person can spend FOREVER trying to satisfy all the doubts.

Back to TAEHS (The Art of Engaging Holy Scripture), my study this morning (for the OTHER group) was from Luke 24. The risen Jesus shows up in the same room with the disciples who are DOUBTING. And they are fearful and talking about "it". Jesus just shows up and says "Peace". Well, sure!

Then he says, "Why are you doubting again?" He says that to me all the time. :) And he says, "Look, see, touch, see--here's my scars to prove it." And bless be God, he DOESN'T say, "Now worship me." A head person would love that. Instead he says, "Do you have food? I'm hungry. Give me something to eat."

I just sat and listened to that. Now THAT's spoken to a bunch of HEAD people. "Get out of your head and into your body. DO something, instead of 'thinking' and 'questioning' all the time."

We are both spirit and flesh. But I'll confess I've been so spiritual most of my life that I've made some people sick. And I can spiritualize anything. Being spiritual is second nature to me. I could have fit in that room those disciples spiritualizing and doubting all night. But Jesus knows that doubters, head people, MUST make contact with their bodies. They must be grounded, pulled back to earth, into the physical realm. They must become flesh, too.

So, how do I, Sheila Conner, feed the risen Christ?

First, I have to wake up and realize I'm in my head again usually running over the same familar ground, digging through those ever-deepening nuropaths in my brain. STOP!

Then I have to stay awake and observe my doubts and my fears.

And it's important for me to participate fully in my own transformation. So, I must get back to being physical, back to being FLESH. It is very grounding for me to go into my studio and paint. And it grounds me to take care of my mother; to go downstairs and help her with a meal or even just to visit with her puts me back into the present moment, into TODAY--I can look at her and touch her, hear her voice and know my feet are on the ground again. It grounds me to meet with my 3rd Act buds. It grounds me to stay connected to my St. Tim's community. It grounds me to write poetry and to work in my yard. Blessed be, it even grounds me to clean house, albeit that's the last thing I want to do. :)

I am so glad the risen Christ told them to fix him a meal. He gave them exactly what they needed--something physical to do to get them back into the present moment and out of their fears and out of their heads.

It's interesting for me to ponder my feeding Christ. Somehow I'm not sure the risen Christ was hungry as much as he was compassionate. He knew the disciples had been in their heads long enough. Feeding him was grace for them.