Nothing But Questions...

Have you ever been hamstrung in prayer?

It’s been such a long time since I’ve prayed for specifics—truth is, I don’t know the path to Ultimate Good for individuals in my life. I can quickly pray for light and truth, for goodness and mercy, for hope, for open hearts and open minds, but I find it so hard this morning to say, “God, give him his job back.”

I don’t know the future, and I don’t know the path to Ultimate Goodness for him. What if the loss of this job IS part of the path to the Ultimate Good in his life.

It’s so damn hard.

I’ve been watching the road construction around our area with a lot of interest. I dreamed a number of years ago that roads were being torn up and there was a lot of mess and chaos because a new way was being built—a new overpass was going up.

And now, here we are in the middle of the mess with almost every major road in our little area under construction. Much of my day is spent taking detours, and I often hear in my spirit what I heard all those years ago in my dream, “You can’t get there from here anymore.”

It seems much of lives, both private and public, in our homes, in our country, and in the world around us is now “under construction.” Chaos is everywhere. Many lives are in chaos. The young are dying from addiction and/or boredom, our elderly are dying from neglect and poverty, our government is hamstrung in making decisions, and I suspect at least part of the truth is that we are in uncharted waters, everywhere. The world as we knew it has passed away. There’s not much safety or predictability anymore. Working for a living and saving for a rainy day doesn’t work anymore. The rules that were applicable in our parents’ day are simply not working today.

And I don’t seem to have an answer anymore. It used to be so easy, “God will supply all our needs,” except “he” doesn’t. People who love God die from starvation with their needs unmet. “Love will find a way,” except it doesn’t seem to for a lot of people. I had someone tell me yesterday that God has cursed them. I don’t believe that for a moment, but some lives sure look it.

So back to my prayer time this morning. My plea to God, to the Universe, to the Ultimate Good – how do I pray for people in my life who are in need of prayer—how do I pray with wisdom and compassion?

Romans 8 just flashed through my thoughts: For the Spirit prays for us when we in our weakness don’t know how to pray. I want his job back. I want for her to be happy, to feel safe, to find Love. But the truth is I don’t really know much of anything. And this morning, my heart just plain ole hurts. I am grieved—not just at the loss and unhappiness around me, but I’m grieved that life is so uncertain, and the future is so unpredictable. And I’m grieved that my platitudes don’t work for people anymore. And I’m grieved I can’t say them with conviction anymore.

So, this morning I offer my grief and uncertainty to the Ultimate Good and just whisper, “Help.” “Help him, help her, even help Congress…” And I trust “help” will come—it may not look like I expected or hoped, but I still believe “Love never fails”. Love will win when it’s all said and done. I think.