The Antidote to Anger – Sabbath Rest

So, then a Sabbath rest still remains for the people of God; for those who enter God’s rest also cease from their labors as God did from his. Let us therefore make every effort to enter that rest…(Hebrews 4:9-11)

I wondered for years how the writer of Hebrews could put “effort” and “rest” in the same sentence.  I didn’t know that the Divine Lover would teach me by letting me experience the tension between the two.

In the Fall of 2004, I began experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia.  I knew at the time that my intensely painful body issues were symptomatic of me “swallowing” unhealthy emotions, particularly anger, for almost all my life.  Anger wasn’t “nice”, especially for women, and super-especially for “Christian” women.  Worry wasn’t good, either, nor sadness, nor fear…so if I wasn’t supposed to express those feelings, what the heck was I supposed to do with them??? What “overly-emotional” women have always been told to do, “Just get over it. Suck it up.  Quit being hysterical.  Let God help you (what the heck did that mean???) Chill.”  So, how did I do that?? But I tried.  I swallowed all those negative emotions and held them inside, until I would explore—making a pretty huge mess all over everything.  Then I would be ashamed, so I’d get even angrier and begin projecting that anger onto someone or something else.  Surely it couldn’t ALL be my fault.

By 2004, my body finally said, “NO MORE!”  The pain was really bad and all the time. Doctors weren’t much help, and I even was depressed.  I would pray and hear, “Love yourself back to health.” So, what did that mean? Eventually I began going for Reiki and massage therapy, and then Mother and I began going to the water class at the gym.  I didn’t KNEW if this would help; I simply didn’t know what else to do.  I just knew all of these things were gentle and felt a little like “love”.

Over the years, I took some yoga classes at the gym and really liked it, but they had a tendency to “power it up” or cancel it.  I missed it, but I learned to enjoy Body Flow (a blend of yoga, Pilates, and tai chi).  I had tried Pilates earlier, and hated it—it hurt, and I couldn’t do it without pain. But in Body Flow, I could ease into it a little better.

Now, to anger and the connection…I’ve known for a very long time that I’ve had anger issues.  For the last 20 years, God’s worked with me and quieted my soul, and the anger episodes had pretty much disappeared.  But I had an episode this last Summer that made me pause.  I got so angry, viscerally angry, angry enough that I felt my blood pressure rise, my heart beat so fast it nearly leapt out of my chest, my whole body stiffened into a very cramped “board”, and I knew I was “in trouble”.  If knew I didn’t learn to deal with the anger in a healthy way, I was going to die.  I told my husband, “Either I go to therapy, or I find some way to hit something.” 

So I signed up for boxing classes at the gym.  At the same time, a friend introduced me to her Pilates class, and she took care of me.  For years I’ve seen myself as a “weak” person, and often said, “I don’t even have a core!”  But when I took my friend’s class, I discovered my core had been strengthened over the last few years.  Then my friend introduced me to spin classes…WOOHOO!  I discovered it’s as good as hitting something!  And no one gets hurt!  All my pent up frustration and angry energy just goes flying off somewhere as I pedal along!  All these new exercise classes showed me something I didn’t know—I have grown strong over the last number of years.  I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, and I didn’t have a clue.

So with all that, my exercise routine totally changed, and I signed up for yoga classes, as well as Pilates classes this last week, and I’m loving it.

Now, what does all that have to do with Sabbath Rest??  What does Sabbath Rest have to do with anger??

My book study group at St. Timothy’s is working through, The Good and Beautiful Life, by JamesBryan Smith.  This week’s chapter was on learning to live without anger, and the spiritual exercise the author chose as anger’s antidote is “Sabbath rest”.

So, I’ve spent a lot of time over the last week reflecting on the connection between anger and rest, and I am amazed at what I’ve learned through body awareness.

And I’ve discovered how my body finds its best “Sabbath rest”. From the experience I’m currently having, I think Sabbath Rest just might be a rest that energizes us, as well as relaxes us.  Sabbath Rest is like a healthy diet…it takes a little getting used to when all we’ve eaten is junk food, but it really pays off by giving us super nourishment in every way.

Centering prayer over the last few years has taught me to focus and pay attention without judging what’s going on in my mind or my body.

Massage therapy and Reiki has taught my body how to relax.  I thought I knew, but I don’t think my body had ever seriously relaxed.

Yoga has taught me about balance, and how to stand in the tension of the opposites.  Savasana pose has taught my body how to rest and focus at the same time—a heightened sense of awareness.

Pilates has strengthened my core.

And Spin is a great way to disperse all the negative energy that my body has a tendency to hold onto all these years.

What a paradox…I am making effort, and I am finding rest.  I am learning what it means to live and move and have my being in God.  I have learned to breathe into the work so that my body can relax as the work gets harder.  I find that I am energized physically, emotionally, and spiritually when my practice for the day is done.  And I leave my “work” with a sense of well-being.

And to top it all off, my body has become my friend.  Yes, I still have fibromyalgia symptoms, but they don’t rule my life, and they don’t stop my body from responding to the goodness all around it.  I have learned to listen to my body and trust what I hear.

For too many years, I saw my body as something that held me back from God.  Women have always been taught not to trust their bodies, so I longed to escape it and “go home” to heaven someday.  But I’ve discovered that Heaven is here inside this time and space of form and matter.  The Kingdom is here.  And I’m learning to physically live in it.

And I’m learning what to do with my anger instead of swallowing it.  I’m learning how to use it to move me to a new place.  I’m learning not to be ashamed of it, but even to listen to it and let it lead me to the Larger Story of transformation.