Emptiness--Again...

You know, I know a little about marching around Jericho, blowing my own trumpet, 7 times before anything happens...it's the old "been here, done that" thing. How many times does it take?

A number of years ago, the Holy spent a lot of time revealing to me the power and hope of emptiness, but like most of us, it's not a lesson easily learned. And it hurts. Ask Jesus. Paul reminds us in Philippians that Jesus chose to be fully human. He chose to be made empty. I think that's our call, too; to choose to be made empty.

I love empty pots. The significance is huge to me--I always think of Jesus and the marriage at Cana--all those pots just sitting around, empty, waiting to be filled. A full pot can't receive anything, can it.

So, that's where I am again this morning. Seems the Spirit has been speaking to me again on the subject of "subtraction", the power of being made empty, death being required before resurrection, dying before being born again. It's not something I long to hear being spoken to me, but it's something my physical body is screaming to me at the moment. And, because the pain body is screaming, I have to pay attention.

It's those damned expectations again. St. Theresa tells us it's those damned expectations that send us right back to the basement of the castle where all the reptiles live. It's those damned expectations that bind us and freeze us in the past or predicting something about the future--anything at all, good or bad. It's those damned expectations that keep us from living in Today, the only place God and I can relate. Seems it's time for this pot to be emptied again. And I didn't even realize the pot was full.

In my reading this week, I was introduced to a couple of Lao Tzu's verses from the Tao te Ching. I've probably read them before, but they've held my thoughts now for about 4 days. I just keep going back and re-reading them, thinking about the truths they teach, and pondering how they are connected to true spiritual authority. So, for your reading pleasure, and because it's hard to go it alone:

Verse 11 The Importance of What is Not

We join thirty spokes

to the hub of a wheel,

yet it's the center hole

that drives the chariot.

We shape clay

to birth a vessel,

yet it's the hollow within

that makes it useful.

We chisel doors and windows

to construct a room,

yet it's the inner space

that makes it livable.

Thus do we

create what is

to use what is not.

Verse 22 Celebrate Paradox!

No-thing remains itself.

Each prepares the path to its opposite.

To be ready for wholeness, first be fragmented.

To be ready for rightness, first be wronged.

To be ready for fullness, first be empty.

To be ready for renewal, first be worn out.

To be ready for success, first fail.

To be ready for doubt, first be certain.

Because the wise observe the world

through the Great Integrity,

they know they are not knowledgeable.

Because they do not perceive

only through their perceptions,

they do not judge this right and that wrong.

Because they do not delight in boasting,

they are appreciated.

Because they do not announce their superiority,

they are acclaimed.

Because they never compete,

no one can compete with them.

Verily, fragmentation prepares the path to wholeness,

the mother of all origins and realizations.

Sometimes You Just Have to CROW!

"If I say I am working for peace but am myself angry and self-righteous, then the energy I am putting into the atmosphere is anger and self-righteousness. If I come preaching the gospel of Christian love but am myself rigid and judgmental, I am putting into the atmosphere rigidity and judgment. " from Mystical Hope, p 91.

I have just finished reading a very small book (less than 100 pages) and I must crow about it. The title is Mystical Hope, Trusting in the Mercy of God, by Cynthia Bourgeault. I first read this little book about 5 years ago, and it was good. But apparently something's changed in my own "software" since then. This is a wonderful book, a book full of GOOD NEWS. This is a grace-filled book.

Her discussion of "righteousness" being "the quality of aliveness" in our lives, I think, may have been my favorite discussion. Mostly because we are in Romans in TAEHS, and Paul's discussion of righteousness makes me yawn (sorry all you Paul lovers!). Cynthia cuts to the chase with her stories and vivid pictures, such as this one:

She shares a story of a young African woman who saw an unusual snake glistening in the sun, brightly colored and absolutely beautiful. She talked about it so much that a friend killed the snake and made a belt from the skin for the woman. "To her great dismay that once glistening skin was now just dull and gray. For all along the beauty had lain not in the physical skin, but in the quality of its aliveness."

I thought about all the stories I've heard around here from Jim and his fishing buddies of the beautiful dolphin fish. I've heard how gorgeous it is, bright and beautifully colored, glistening in the sun and the water. But the ones I see in the boat are gray and lifeless, dead, absolutely NO color. That's what they've lost--that quality of aliveness.

Cynthia defines "righteousness" as that quality of aliveness that is present in our "works" for God. She writes: By "righteousness" [the ancient Hebrews] did not mean a moral template they could use...They meant an energy-charged sphere--a forcefield...in which all their plans, efforts, and schemes had to move in order to come to fruition. The innermost and the outermost had to be totally "in sync."...Otherwise, no efforts undertaken out of one's own righteousness (one's own forcefield), no matter how cleverly simulated the outward action, could possibly be worthy because the crucial element was missing: the aliveness of God moving in it.

Now THAT I can understand easier than Paul's many words.

A few of my favorite quotes:

Energy is what happens when divine being expresses itself outward.

Where is God? God is all over the place. God is up there, down here, inside my skin and out. God is the web, the energy, the space, the light--not captured in them, as if any of those concepts were more real than what unites them, but revealed in that singular, vast net of relationship that animates everything that is...I want to proclaim that God IS the unity--the very energy, the very intelligence, the very elegance and passion that make it all go. (quoting Barbara Taylor Brown)

...hope is the current that flows through, carrying us toward the future. As we let ourselves yield and go with it, it will open to us toward the authentic unfolding of our being. The opposite is also just as true: any form of resistance, be it nostalgia, clinging, bitterness, self-pity, or self-justification, will make it impossible to find that current of hope, impossible for hope to carry us to our true becoming. We become stones in the riverbed...Hope's home is at the innermost point in us, and in all things. It is a quality of aliveness. It does not come at the end, as the feeling that results from a happy outcome. Rather, it lies at the beginning, as a pulse of truth that sends us forth.

This is a beautiful book, and I highly recommend it--read it, chew on it, and watch hope come alive as you find yourself swimming in that great body of mercy called God.

Signature Pages for My "It's A New Day Cook Book"

And these are my "sign-in" pages. Hopefully all my wonderful 3rd Act sisters will put there photos here and sign in. So, the only thing left now, is to work on the cover! Who knows??? At least I have the title. :) So much fun!

MAGIC BEANS...

This is what my son has called my "magic beans" page. He's written a song called "Magic Beans" about all the fairy tales we believed to be true as we grew up--and we get to mid-life and discover:

Well nothin' ever sprouted
From the spot where momma threw them on the ground.
No singing harps, no golden eggs,
No giant's feasts could ever be found.
Now the banks foreclosed the farm,
Momma's sick, and Jack ain't ever around.

....Magic Beans don't sprout...

So, perhaps this IS my protest of what I expected out of life at one time. It WAS the model presented to me of "a good life". These "magic beans" haven't sprouted for me, but what I have instead is EVER SO MUCH MORE!

NO MORE COOKIES!

A few days back, I decided to use my 42 year old Better Homes and Garden Cookbook for Third Act's collaborative art journal. Talk about FUN! It's like it let off a whole lot of steam, the intro pages just kept coming! This is the first page. Ask Jim--this Granma doesn't cook much of ANYTHING anymore. Been there, done that!

My New "Who Has Time to Cook Book"

Who cooks much anymore??? Who has time?

My 3rd Act Circle of Crones has decided to do a collaborative art project. There are 12 of us, so we decided to do a "round robin" journal. Each one of us is putting together some kind of journal full of blank pages, then we will pass them off to "the next person on the list", and "woola!", 12 months later, there will be 12 beautiful journals chunked full of original art work by 12 beautiful, talented artists (myself included, of course!).

My first task is to put my journal together. As I was pondering how to start, my eyes fell on this much used very old cookbook, and I decided "who needs this cookbook anymore?" Ask Jim. He'll guarantee it doesn't get much use now-adays...who has time?

I got this cookbook as a wedding present for my first wedding nearly 42 years ago. It's been used a lot, albeit not much during the last 10 years, but there was a time... So the book has a little of my history in it. I'll begin "altering" the cover tomorrow, or this weekend. The name will be changed from Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book, to "The Who Has Time to Cook Book?" or the "Who Wants to Cook Book?" Not sure exactly what yet, but you get the drift! Clean white 300# watercolor pages are all torn and hole-punched. They'll be removed before I start with the glue, paint, and colored paper. Once the cover is finished, I'll put the pages back in, show you another picture, then neither of us will see it until May of 2011. At that time, the Crones have decided we MUST have a party and celebrate out journals together. The idea is to put all the finished books out so that we can see them together and finished for the first time. What fun that will be!

When it's all said and done, I'll have a treasure of beautiful, personal, fun and whimsical, original artwork from some very lovely sisters.

And this is just the beginning!

Give Me Something To Eat...

You know, I love synchronicity! You may call it "coincidence", but I've experienced it to be the voice of the Holy, and when it happens, I PAY ATTENTION.

For example, having TWO TAEHS groups...as if one isn't enough for most people, I'm blessed to be in two groups. And it's amazing how often they "piggy-back" on each other.

I finished one study Sunday morning with this wonderful, awesome, HEALING quote:

"Often for many of us the best we can do is want to believe. That is, we want to believe but either don't believe or are not sure whether we believe and to what extent we believe and whether we believe some of our story but not all o fit, and we can be utterly confused about all of this. Actually, virtually all of us will find ourselves in such a state at one time or another by our spiritual journey...Be that as it may, the basic, primary, and foundational principle of Christian faith remains the same, namely, that the best we can do is intend to follow God and [intend] to believe in God as we are and as we are able. All the rest is up to God. Were it not so, there would be no grace at all but only human effort and striving."

I am a "head" person, and "believing" has been of UTMOST importance to me all of my Christian journey (which is all of my life), but doubt has entered by force over the last few years...all kinds of doubts about everything. And a head person can spend FOREVER trying to satisfy all the doubts.

Back to TAEHS (The Art of Engaging Holy Scripture), my study this morning (for the OTHER group) was from Luke 24. The risen Jesus shows up in the same room with the disciples who are DOUBTING. And they are fearful and talking about "it". Jesus just shows up and says "Peace". Well, sure!

Then he says, "Why are you doubting again?" He says that to me all the time. :) And he says, "Look, see, touch, see--here's my scars to prove it." And bless be God, he DOESN'T say, "Now worship me." A head person would love that. Instead he says, "Do you have food? I'm hungry. Give me something to eat."

I just sat and listened to that. Now THAT's spoken to a bunch of HEAD people. "Get out of your head and into your body. DO something, instead of 'thinking' and 'questioning' all the time."

We are both spirit and flesh. But I'll confess I've been so spiritual most of my life that I've made some people sick. And I can spiritualize anything. Being spiritual is second nature to me. I could have fit in that room those disciples spiritualizing and doubting all night. But Jesus knows that doubters, head people, MUST make contact with their bodies. They must be grounded, pulled back to earth, into the physical realm. They must become flesh, too.

So, how do I, Sheila Conner, feed the risen Christ?

First, I have to wake up and realize I'm in my head again usually running over the same familar ground, digging through those ever-deepening nuropaths in my brain. STOP!

Then I have to stay awake and observe my doubts and my fears.

And it's important for me to participate fully in my own transformation. So, I must get back to being physical, back to being FLESH. It is very grounding for me to go into my studio and paint. And it grounds me to take care of my mother; to go downstairs and help her with a meal or even just to visit with her puts me back into the present moment, into TODAY--I can look at her and touch her, hear her voice and know my feet are on the ground again. It grounds me to meet with my 3rd Act buds. It grounds me to stay connected to my St. Tim's community. It grounds me to write poetry and to work in my yard. Blessed be, it even grounds me to clean house, albeit that's the last thing I want to do. :)

I am so glad the risen Christ told them to fix him a meal. He gave them exactly what they needed--something physical to do to get them back into the present moment and out of their fears and out of their heads.

It's interesting for me to ponder my feeding Christ. Somehow I'm not sure the risen Christ was hungry as much as he was compassionate. He knew the disciples had been in their heads long enough. Feeding him was grace for them.