SoulCollage® Meets Grace Group at The Well

I went to The Well yesterday, knowing something delicious was going to happen because I saw a rainbow on the way there.

It was just The Beloved and me yesterday, and a space of quiet reflection as I made SoulCollage® cards celebrating some special women in my life.

I give all credit to Sondra Griner for taking this wonderful photo of Liz Parker. Liz is one of the priests at St. Timothy's, and she's also one of our leaders in Grace Group. I love this photo of Liz. I remember thinking the first time I saw it, "I bet she's listening to one of the kids chatter!"



It is such a gift to me to see Liz on the alter every Sunday--she and Andy rotate celebrating the Eucharist and preaching the Gospel, so I get to see her take every position possible, up there, in front of me every Sunday. Seeing her there completes my vision of God, neither male nor female, both male and female, more than either male or female.

As I worked yesterday, this picture of the little girl absolutely jumped out to me. A friend of mine would call her a "woman-in-training", and the tug was so strong, that I decided to make a card with her, too.



As I worked, I just "felt" that Liz was communicating with this little girl, who somehow lived inside of me. It was as if I could hear Mother God saying, "Yes, you can be anything you want to be!"

Then, last night at Grace Group, someone asked me "How do you see God waiting on you?" Now, most of the time, I envision God as "Energy" swirling in around and through, so how do you picture that??? Then all of a sudden, this picture came to me--it's as if Mother God gave me tools for life; then said, "Go, girl, make something and I'll watch!"



My primary dream as a very small girl was to "be a preacher" like my daddy, but that dream was extremely short lived because I was "a girl, and girls can't be preachers". So I lived for a long time trying to figure out what I could be that would please "the Father".

This morning as I put this all together, I can feel the nurturing love of Mother God saying, "YES!!!" Have you ever noticed how mother's tend to "give permission", and daddy's make the rules? At least that's the way it was in my house.

And over the last number of years, I have found God to be much more of a Permission Giver than a "nay-sayer". I can't remember the last time God told me "No."

Liz has a nurturing capacity as large as that sun behind her head. And she has nurtured the wounded child inside of me, as has every woman in Grace Group. I am very grateful.

Thank you Liz Parker. I love you!

Celebrating Internat'l Women's Day - Liberating Eve

I've been doing SoulCollage® again!

It’s not that I’m angry with my dad. I’m not. I’m not mad at him, nor am I mad at men in general. But I am angry with the culture that formed my dad and me, the culture that stereotyped and shaped both of us into what we were “supposed” to be: “Men are to be big, strong and important, leaders, of course; and women are to be small, weak, insignificant, “helpers”, naturally. Not only were Daddy and I both raised in that mileau, but when Daddy chose a career, he chose one that “tricked” my mother into becoming no larger than a fly—a fly on a wall, always observing, but never invited in as equal. O, equality was preached all right: "Eve was created from the rib of Adam, not from his head to be lorded over, but to walk side-by-side", but that sermon was always quickly followed by “Wives, be submissive to your husband in all ways.” This damn patriarchal culture made both my mother and me so small and so “less than”.



But, to further complicate the story, I am a “Father’s Daughter”, Athena, birthed from the crown of her Father’s head, birthed fully grown and fully armored, sword drawn and yelling her war cry! The “Athena’s” of our world have been taught to promote, defend and protect this culture, and I faithfully did for over 50 years. Then one day, my body failed, and my eyes opened. The armor became way too heavy. Like the Tin Man, it had rusted so that I couldn’t even find my heart anymore, and I realized I didn’t have a clue how to rest and trust myself and my intuition, let alone God.

It’s amazing how hard is for me to rest and trust. That’s another “gift” of the Patriarchal culture. We are taught: be ever on guard, every watchful, lest the Enemy lie to you and trick you into rebelling. God help the woman who becomes like “them”, one of those “Feminists”, who, are like Eve, are easily deceived and demand equality with God.

Well, I AM Eve’s daughter: naked, unashamed, listening to the snake (an ancient symbol of women’s intuition). Well, at least that’s who I want to be, except I find I can’t get rid of all this damned armor. My armor is made up of words, and these words have taken their toll on my body. I’m always tired, no matter how much I rest. I, we, women, we’ve lost so much. Our battles seem endless, even today, in 2012, there are men who would still have us barefoot and pregnant, cooking their dinners, raising their children, promoting their careers, and serving their “Lord”. Here it is, 2012, 2000 years after Jesus the Liberator came to help set us free, and men are still trying to take back our basic right, our reproductive rights, the most intimate choice we can make.




Damn it, I’m ready to liberate Eve—I took a bite of that apple in 2004, and it tasted very good. I want this armor off, and I have the keys—it time, maybe I will truly be like Eve. NAKED AND UNASHAMED, awake, continuing to make the choice to live the bigger life that I am supposed to live. I am FREE on the inside, now to help set my body free to relax and enjoy!

An Illicit Affair

Got your attention this Valentine's Day, didn't I? Actually, things like the day of the month typically sneak up on me when I'm working on art images, like this mandala. I didn't think about it being Valentine's Day until it was time to date my work.

I began working on this mandala last Saturday at The Well. I enjoy being surprised by art work, and it seems mandalas are really good at bringing surprise. I think most of us who were there Saturday came with something in mind to work toward, but as is typical with mandalas, we were surprised. Who knew my neat little design around the edges would turn into carrots? Believe me, that was NOT my intention. But apparently it was Spirit's.

And I "intended" to put a heart at the center, but this morning, that just didn't work. When we shared our mandalas Saturday, one of the ladies wondered if the spirals I drew were symbolic of water? Usually, they've represented "journey" for me, and this morning as I continued with another spiral in water at the center of this mandala, it dawned on me that water is a Jungian symbol of "the unconscious". That's when it came to me that the key to exploring my issues with food, my illicit love affair, would be found as I continued exploring the unconscious.

I eat impulsively--for comfort, to cover boredom, to disguise some other hunger in my soul, and as one would expect, that unconscious eating leaves me still unsatisfied.

One of the things working with images does for me, whether it be through mandalas, SoulCollage, or active imagination work, is take me on a journey into the unconscious. Answers are there. Keys can be found there. Metaphors to life issues turn up, and healing is found there.

So, what do I "do" with this information? Receive it, ponder it, and let it "be" in me. This process takes more time than a crash diet or liposuction. It takes more time that most of us want to spend, but it's the only way I've found to lasting salvation. The process of doing "the work", whether it be through visual art, journaling, writing poetry, sharing with my Grace Group, or just comtemplating the world around me heals. And that's what we're here for. That's what salvation is about, being made whole.

The Chalice Well

On most Thursday evenings now-adays, you'll find me at Grace Group, or maybe The Well. For the next few weeks, it's Grace Group. Grace Group at St. Timothy's is affiliated with Open Hearts Ministry; some groups are called Journey Groups, but at St. Tim's, it's Grace Group. I appreciate the name difference. We all have journeys to make in our lives, but to survive them and grow in them, we must encounter "grace" along the way. Grace to me is "total acceptance by the Other", whether it be God, or the women who sit across from me on Thursday evenings.

Those Thursday night meetings usually open doors that I'm invited to walk through during the next week. Such was my experience this past Thursday. We were invited to write letters, and I was invited to ponder my response to someone else's story. That was my "work" yesterday morning. Love woke me at 3:45, with an invitation to write, ponder, and work out my feelings through the image-making process we call "art".

As I wrote my letter and pondered my response the night before, as often happens, tears flowed; tears of shame, embarrassment, anger, hurt--and even the question, "where was God in all this". After a couple of hours of writing in my journal, the thought came to me, "Now, go work a mandala."

And this was the result. A friend recently sent me a photo of a "chalice well necklace," and I read on-line about the Chalice Well in England. I already have personal symbols of chalices and wells, and I knew Spirit was inviting me to draw my own Chalice Well mandala. And as I worked this one, remembering one stormy day in 1963, I felt as if Love spoke to me--"I was there in your shame and in your embarrassment. I was there in your fears of being abandoned, not enough, and unworthiness. I saw what happened to you, and My tears fell like the rain that fell that day, as I waited with you in the storm. I was there for you then, and I am still here for you now."

Using the Bling Bling Paper Towel

My 3rd Act Circle women are making our own art journals to work in this time around, and I think I bit off a little more than I can chew. I decided to make a hard cover photo album, and its a little more complicated that I thought it would be. But that's the way I learn.

Remember all that beautiful dyed and stamped paper towel? That's what I'm using to make the cover. So, I've got my hard cover cut from the back of an old drawing tablet, and I use mat medium to glue the paper towel to the cover, rolling it down tight with a brayer. Don't worry about wrinkles--we know wrinkles add character.

Scissors to trip the paper after it's glued down on the front side, gel medium, brush to spread the medium, and brayer to smooth and flatten...but to really flatten after gluing the paper all down, put the cover between two pieces of wax paper under a big book to dry.




See, there really is a good reason to keep big books around.

Now, all I have to do is drill holes, fill with watercolor paper and fasten together. Stay tuned!

Vision Board for 2012

On Saturday, January 14, a few of us met and The Well to make vision boards for this year. I finished mine this morning, and now I have my New Year's resolution: Assimilate, Create, Relate, Loose Weight.



There were some surprises on my board, one of which was the quote at the center, "the sum of her parts". One of the things art has given to me are the many "parts" of myself that have been hidden, some for as long as nearly 60 years.



I knew one of my "words" for this year was "assimilate". When you add a tea bag to boiling water and allow it to seep, you get tea. That's my picture of "assimilate"...it's time for me to "seep". It's also like "savasana" at the end of a yoga workout--the resting time when your body assimilates the work done into it's DNA so that it can change. The work becomes a part of you.


And always I must create--spending time with the Creator and the Muse do replenish my energy and care for my soul. It's life-giving work for me.

And it's time to bless and hopefully improve my relationships. I've been given so very much--so many friendships of all different kinds. Different communities that bless my different parts: my spirit, soul, heart, and body. Friendships that bless the grown up in me, and friendships that bless the kid in me. I am so grateful.


And "always we begin again". I have "battled" my weight for years, but this year feels different. I'm a human being. It's my "job" to begin again. So, here we go.

I hope you have a vision of what you and Spirit can do this year together. Share it.

Sow's Ear?? or Silk Purse?!?

So far on my "blinging paper towel" experiment! I LOVE it! The papers are almost translucent and, at this point in the stamping process, look like Japanese silk...ME? I think their gorgeous! Who knew?

Paper Towel Art???

Well, am I onto something? or will it be "a mess"? Stay tuned!

Paradox Continued...

In my spiritual reading this year the word "Eros" has come up a lot--especially in Cynthia Bourgeault's book on Mary Magdalene and 5th Way love (or self-emptying love; self as in ego). And Eros plays a big part in Pitman McGeehee's book, Paradox of Love. I've been in discussion with some special friends, and we decided that we had to re-define Eros--McGeehee does a great job of that in his book.

But as I played around on my computer trying to find pictures of Eros, I came across the story of his birth--yes, I know. My knowledge of Greek mythology is very small, so everything I find is a treasure! I didn't know that Eros's mom was Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love, nor did I know that his father was Aeros, the Greek God of War (mayhem and destruction--talk about PARADOX! Eros might well be defined as a child of conflicting feelings!

Whatever! I have learned through the years that conflicting feelings CAN BE creative, that light and dark can mix, that chaos can bring great beauty. When the dark gets really dark, and the world and its wars gets really tough, with enough space, something new can be born.

Perhaps that's another meaning of Christmas.

Love Is The Paradox

Day 2, Title Page, Love is a (cross that out!) The Paradox.

Art Journaling

(Now, why is this page NOT landscape???Grrrrrr....)

I've had a hankering to start a new art journal. Our 3rd Act Circle is going to do this very thing beginnin January, 2012, but it seems I can't wait. I have dreamed the last couple of mornings about The Paradox of Love, and art journaling, so I think I'll do a journal on "love", and it's many paradoxes. I might use Pittman McGehee's little book when I need a prompt, or I might see my own paradoxes during the day and decide to journal those. Whatever, I bought the journal, and I put my name in it. That's a start, and after all, that's the name of the game: Just begin!

(Maybe this is part of the paradox of love--you can't control things! Dammit!)

Just For Fun

One of the things that's fun about a "collaborative journal" is it gives us a lot of chances to experiment and do something we've wanted to try, but never have because it might not work.

I've always wanted to work with melted wax (encaustic). So, what better time than this?? I melted crayons and dripped and poured then painted over, and just had fun. Probably won't do it again, but who knows!

October's Journal Pages

You know, sometimes we get too busy or too distracted to plug into our creative side on a regular basis, so it really helps to have an incentive. Our 3rd Act crones are working on collabrative journals over the course of a year, so each month I have an extra "push" available. This month, I was given 4 white pages to be creative on--it's usually only two, so this was really cool. And I had so much fun.

What's really neat about these journals is there's no plan when we begin. All of us have talked about how special it is that the Muse shows up and something wonderful happens with each journal. This month, it seems Spirit was speaking: "Wake up, and stay awake!" It's good to be reminded.

The Gentle Spirit of SoulCollage® and the Storm Survivor

I am so taken with the gentleness of SoulCollage®. One of the principles of SoulCollage® is “the answers are already inside you; you have everything you need”. And it’s true.

Over the last few years, I’ve gone through my own “dark night”, questioning everything I’ve ever been taught, listening to all the judgments I’ve ever made and questioning my conclusions, and finally deciding for myself what to keep and what to let go of. My questions have been: Who told me that? Do I really believe it? Is it really of value to me? Is it any longer useful in my life?

That’s a hard thing for a 55-60 year old woman to do. My faith, my beliefs, my values, my politics—everything seemed to be caught under the lens of a microscope. It was all turned upside down.

Hebrews 12 tells of just that kind of “shaking”: “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heaven. This phrase, ‘Yet once more,’ indicates the removal of what is shaken—that is, created things—that what cannot be shaken may remain.”

This piece of dirt called Sheila has been shaken, turned upside down and shaken until her teeth are about to fall out. I never knew that verse even meant my religious beliefs and the values I walked through life by.

I’ve been shaken, and so has my family. And it’s been brutal. I’ve watched the dreams I’ve had for my sons crumble—and I’ve had to grief what I had hoped for them.

But back to SoulCollage®--Thursday was my day to go tape a 30-minute segment for a local TV station. And I had already decided to let intuition run the show—after all, that’s one of the grandest gifts of this process. It believes in and trusts intuition.

So that morning while going through my things and getting my “stuff” together, I happened upon an image that really drew me—a silhouette of family: a mother holding the hands of two children, and a dad kind of off to the side. There were words written across his body, and since he seemed a little distant, I cut out the silhouette of the mother and children and decided not to use him.

I still wasn’t sure I would use this picture, but I thought of it all morning.

And it was the image I used in my demo. I worked with this image and a stormy background. I “knew” she was coming out of the storm.

“I am the one who has walked through the storm, bringing my family with me. I am the one who is now walking into blue skies. The storm has, for the most part, passed. I am walking into blue skies in peace. I have peace in my heart, and peace is my theme. I am a storm survivor.”

After the taping was over, I found out another piece of my family had broken. Somehow, I already knew it. I am sad, for them and for me, but it’s been part of our shaking. And we are all storm survivors. Blue skies are just ahead. We will walk into our tomorrow in peace.

Yesterday morning, I read some of Psalm 18, from Nan Merrill’s book. That Psalm has so been the theme of the last few years for all of us. Somehow, it was the “icing” on the cake and confirmed for me that we are almost through this “shaking”. Thanks be to God.

Psalm 18

I abandon myself to You, O Living Presence, my strength.
You are my rock, my stronghold…my tower of strength…
the source of truth and light.
I call upon You, Heart of my heart,
singing praises to your Name and fear no longer holds me.

The demons of darkness assailed me,
the blindness of ignorance led me astray;
The shadows of fear paralyzed me,
the anguish of loneliness confronted me.
In my distress I called out to You…
You heard my voice…You harkened to my cry.

Then did You, O Divine Presence, show unto me a vision:
the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations of the mountains trembled
and quaked, as if to slough off the ravages of destruction…
On the wings of the wind, You did come,
with darkness a covering around You,
a canopy of thick clouds dark with water.
Out of the brightness before You
there broke through the clouds hailstones,
coals of fire left from the mountain tops.
As your voice uttered in the heavens,
thunder and lightning stormed the earth…

Yet there was no safe haven,
no hiding place from fear.
Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world laid bare,
The earth gave a might shudder
then settled down to heal
in Silence.

O compassionate One, You reached
from on high, You took me,
You drew me out of many waters.
You delivered me from the fears
that bound me, and
from ignorance that blinded me;
for they threatened to overcome me,
to separate me from You.
They came upon me when I looked not to You;
yet You, O Merciful One, were ever present.
You brought me forth into the Light;
You released my fears,
You delighted in me.
O Holy One, You see the intentions of my heart;
As I surrender to your love,
I grow in peace and gratitude.
For to lose my life is to find Life;
O keep me steadfast in love
for You, Life of my life!
The spirit of your Word is ever
before me,
the Counselor ever present to guide me…
May I walk with You justly, with mercy
and in peace,
a mirror of you love in the world…

You are the Light of my life;
You shine through my darkness…
You ways lead to wholeness…
How tenderly You live in my heart!

Come SoulCollage® With Me - Dancing With The Opposites

I made this card last Thursday, when I gave my first SoulCollage® class. And I love it! Goes to show, sometimes "simple" is best!

I was raised in a black and white world of nice, tidy, little boxes. And everything fit into those nice little boxes: good/bad, black/white, up/down, big/little, right/wrong, us/them, etc. But something happened in 2004 when I drew a black and white mandala of little boxes. Since then, I've begun to dance the dance of the opposites. And I've discovered that a non-black/white world doesn't just lead to wish-washy shades of gray. It makes for COLOR! DIVERSITY! DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW! There's a million choices between black and white. There's a billion points of view between right and wrong. And it's a wonderful, wonderful world of color.

I can be a child of both day and night. I can dance between right and wrong and not really KNOW it all. I can be o so much more flexible, and yes, tolerant of others.

When this card spoke to me it said:

"I am the one who dances with the opposites! Come and dance with me. Sprinkle a little color wherevery you go. You no longer have to live on the edge and be fearful of falling off that little tight rope! Everything in between is an adventure in living! Come experience LIFE in technicolor!"

Try it. You'll like it. :)

Signature Pages for My "It's A New Day Cook Book"

And these are my "sign-in" pages. Hopefully all my wonderful 3rd Act sisters will put there photos here and sign in. So, the only thing left now, is to work on the cover! Who knows??? At least I have the title. :) So much fun!

MAGIC BEANS...

This is what my son has called my "magic beans" page. He's written a song called "Magic Beans" about all the fairy tales we believed to be true as we grew up--and we get to mid-life and discover:

Well nothin' ever sprouted
From the spot where momma threw them on the ground.
No singing harps, no golden eggs,
No giant's feasts could ever be found.
Now the banks foreclosed the farm,
Momma's sick, and Jack ain't ever around.

....Magic Beans don't sprout...

So, perhaps this IS my protest of what I expected out of life at one time. It WAS the model presented to me of "a good life". These "magic beans" haven't sprouted for me, but what I have instead is EVER SO MUCH MORE!

NO MORE COOKIES!

A few days back, I decided to use my 42 year old Better Homes and Garden Cookbook for Third Act's collaborative art journal. Talk about FUN! It's like it let off a whole lot of steam, the intro pages just kept coming! This is the first page. Ask Jim--this Granma doesn't cook much of ANYTHING anymore. Been there, done that!

My New "Who Has Time to Cook Book"

Who cooks much anymore??? Who has time?

My 3rd Act Circle of Crones has decided to do a collaborative art project. There are 12 of us, so we decided to do a "round robin" journal. Each one of us is putting together some kind of journal full of blank pages, then we will pass them off to "the next person on the list", and "woola!", 12 months later, there will be 12 beautiful journals chunked full of original art work by 12 beautiful, talented artists (myself included, of course!).

My first task is to put my journal together. As I was pondering how to start, my eyes fell on this much used very old cookbook, and I decided "who needs this cookbook anymore?" Ask Jim. He'll guarantee it doesn't get much use now-adays...who has time?

I got this cookbook as a wedding present for my first wedding nearly 42 years ago. It's been used a lot, albeit not much during the last 10 years, but there was a time... So the book has a little of my history in it. I'll begin "altering" the cover tomorrow, or this weekend. The name will be changed from Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book, to "The Who Has Time to Cook Book?" or the "Who Wants to Cook Book?" Not sure exactly what yet, but you get the drift! Clean white 300# watercolor pages are all torn and hole-punched. They'll be removed before I start with the glue, paint, and colored paper. Once the cover is finished, I'll put the pages back in, show you another picture, then neither of us will see it until May of 2011. At that time, the Crones have decided we MUST have a party and celebrate out journals together. The idea is to put all the finished books out so that we can see them together and finished for the first time. What fun that will be!

When it's all said and done, I'll have a treasure of beautiful, personal, fun and whimsical, original artwork from some very lovely sisters.

And this is just the beginning!

Day 26 The ABC's of Advent, Letter Z

Day 26 - Z - zygogenesis

I can't believe I've finished this little project, except I believe in "zygogenesis"! I discovered this word a few weeks back when I was writing an alphabetic poem. Zygogenesis is the fusing of opposites. I like to take the word apart so that I can get a better picture:

Zygo - to yoke or pair

Genesis - to be born, the way in which something comes to be; to originate, create, or evolve into new form.

And so, this creative process we're in is a partnership. It's funny...I planned to use the work YOKE or YOGA for yesterday's Y word, but YEAST spoke to me more. I had forgotten that zygo means "to yoke"--the beauty of synchronicity!

Zygo - Take my yoke upon you, for my burden is easy and my yoke is light.

And yoga means "to yoke", to bring together the opposites: mind/body; soul, spirit. Christ/me; heaven/earth.

Relationship with Christ is all about partnership. And out of that partnership, comes New Life--always! Guaranteed. Experience tells me over and over. And this Advent Season has been no different.

I end this art journal remembering how it all started. A kyrios moment, hearing the angel speak: "This isn't the Christmas season; it's the season of Advent, when we look for light", knowing in my heart that word was for me, my seemingly life-long struggle to enter into Christmas, and this little journal.

There is a principle in life--you find what you look for. Seek it; you will find it. Jesus didn't just make us a promise when he spoke those words. He was speaking a life principle. Whatever you're looking for in life, you'll find it. Look for darkness, evil, misery, or pain. You'll find it. Look for joy, for new life, for promise, for light. You'll find it. Reaffirmed when Paul exhorted us to "Think on things that are beautiful and good." Whatever I think on, IS.

Partnership. We DO create our reality. And when we yoke together with the Christ Spirit looking for light, we will find Light. It will come.

And I am thankful.