SoulCollage® Meets Grace Group at The Well

I went to The Well yesterday, knowing something delicious was going to happen because I saw a rainbow on the way there.

It was just The Beloved and me yesterday, and a space of quiet reflection as I made SoulCollage® cards celebrating some special women in my life.

I give all credit to Sondra Griner for taking this wonderful photo of Liz Parker. Liz is one of the priests at St. Timothy's, and she's also one of our leaders in Grace Group. I love this photo of Liz. I remember thinking the first time I saw it, "I bet she's listening to one of the kids chatter!"



It is such a gift to me to see Liz on the alter every Sunday--she and Andy rotate celebrating the Eucharist and preaching the Gospel, so I get to see her take every position possible, up there, in front of me every Sunday. Seeing her there completes my vision of God, neither male nor female, both male and female, more than either male or female.

As I worked yesterday, this picture of the little girl absolutely jumped out to me. A friend of mine would call her a "woman-in-training", and the tug was so strong, that I decided to make a card with her, too.



As I worked, I just "felt" that Liz was communicating with this little girl, who somehow lived inside of me. It was as if I could hear Mother God saying, "Yes, you can be anything you want to be!"

Then, last night at Grace Group, someone asked me "How do you see God waiting on you?" Now, most of the time, I envision God as "Energy" swirling in around and through, so how do you picture that??? Then all of a sudden, this picture came to me--it's as if Mother God gave me tools for life; then said, "Go, girl, make something and I'll watch!"



My primary dream as a very small girl was to "be a preacher" like my daddy, but that dream was extremely short lived because I was "a girl, and girls can't be preachers". So I lived for a long time trying to figure out what I could be that would please "the Father".

This morning as I put this all together, I can feel the nurturing love of Mother God saying, "YES!!!" Have you ever noticed how mother's tend to "give permission", and daddy's make the rules? At least that's the way it was in my house.

And over the last number of years, I have found God to be much more of a Permission Giver than a "nay-sayer". I can't remember the last time God told me "No."

Liz has a nurturing capacity as large as that sun behind her head. And she has nurtured the wounded child inside of me, as has every woman in Grace Group. I am very grateful.

Thank you Liz Parker. I love you!

Celebrating Internat'l Women's Day - Liberating Eve

I've been doing SoulCollage® again!

It’s not that I’m angry with my dad. I’m not. I’m not mad at him, nor am I mad at men in general. But I am angry with the culture that formed my dad and me, the culture that stereotyped and shaped both of us into what we were “supposed” to be: “Men are to be big, strong and important, leaders, of course; and women are to be small, weak, insignificant, “helpers”, naturally. Not only were Daddy and I both raised in that mileau, but when Daddy chose a career, he chose one that “tricked” my mother into becoming no larger than a fly—a fly on a wall, always observing, but never invited in as equal. O, equality was preached all right: "Eve was created from the rib of Adam, not from his head to be lorded over, but to walk side-by-side", but that sermon was always quickly followed by “Wives, be submissive to your husband in all ways.” This damn patriarchal culture made both my mother and me so small and so “less than”.



But, to further complicate the story, I am a “Father’s Daughter”, Athena, birthed from the crown of her Father’s head, birthed fully grown and fully armored, sword drawn and yelling her war cry! The “Athena’s” of our world have been taught to promote, defend and protect this culture, and I faithfully did for over 50 years. Then one day, my body failed, and my eyes opened. The armor became way too heavy. Like the Tin Man, it had rusted so that I couldn’t even find my heart anymore, and I realized I didn’t have a clue how to rest and trust myself and my intuition, let alone God.

It’s amazing how hard is for me to rest and trust. That’s another “gift” of the Patriarchal culture. We are taught: be ever on guard, every watchful, lest the Enemy lie to you and trick you into rebelling. God help the woman who becomes like “them”, one of those “Feminists”, who, are like Eve, are easily deceived and demand equality with God.

Well, I AM Eve’s daughter: naked, unashamed, listening to the snake (an ancient symbol of women’s intuition). Well, at least that’s who I want to be, except I find I can’t get rid of all this damned armor. My armor is made up of words, and these words have taken their toll on my body. I’m always tired, no matter how much I rest. I, we, women, we’ve lost so much. Our battles seem endless, even today, in 2012, there are men who would still have us barefoot and pregnant, cooking their dinners, raising their children, promoting their careers, and serving their “Lord”. Here it is, 2012, 2000 years after Jesus the Liberator came to help set us free, and men are still trying to take back our basic right, our reproductive rights, the most intimate choice we can make.




Damn it, I’m ready to liberate Eve—I took a bite of that apple in 2004, and it tasted very good. I want this armor off, and I have the keys—it time, maybe I will truly be like Eve. NAKED AND UNASHAMED, awake, continuing to make the choice to live the bigger life that I am supposed to live. I am FREE on the inside, now to help set my body free to relax and enjoy!

The MaskMaker and the Shadow

Doing work with my SoulCollage® cards has been an important part of my wonderful Christmas Season this year. Christmas has been an unfavorite season for me for many years--dating all the way back to my 9th year. But the prayers of my Grace Group and the making of and dialoguing with cards has meant for me a break through this year. I'm very, very grateful. Nothing changed on the outside, but a lot has changed on the inside--maybe even a new birth.

I made this card a number of years ago, but it had a new message for me this morning. And part of that message included a new work I learned yesterday: "en-factuation". A friend of mine "made up" the word and shared it with me yesterday. It's a good word, best defined by "story".

If you'll notice in the upper right corner

...these old biddies are the "en-factorators". When one person "en-facts" another, they look at a person and cover that person with a story of their own making--they encase that person with their own "facts", and live their lives according to their own made up stories. They spoke to me this morning:

I am the "en-factorator". I am frozen in another time, another place, and another experience. I stand outside your time and space--outside your heart--and I believe my own story about your life. I have you imprisoned behind a curtain of shame. I have decided your fate, and I have whispered my story of your life to you, to myself, and to others, repeating as facts the lies I made up and calling them "true".

Then, there's the Shadow:


...and this morning she spoke to me, too:

I am the Shadow who lives behind that "curtain of shame", but what you've spoken about me, I refuse any longer to believe. I choose instead to stand on my own experience, my own knowledge and my own truth. I refuse to let your "story" about my life determine my identity any longer. I am free--free to color my own world, free to transform that curtain of shame into a window into the past, and free to be my own true Self. I am free to decide for myself who I am, and I choose to believe no longer the lies you tell about me.

And this morning, she turns her back on the MaskMaker, speaking: I will no longer put on a mask to protect myself or to please you. I choose to show my own true face and to choose my own name. And I will tell my own story based on what I know to be true.

As with dreams, I also know that each person on this card is a part of me. I am the "enfactuator"; I am the MaskMaker, and I am the Shadow, my own True Self, the really, real me, unfrozen by time and old stories, a person of color, bold and free.

I know I have "en-factuated" about others--it's hard not to look from the outside as if it's the inside and to "know" for certain I'm right about someone else. But the truth is, I can't know for certain all that's true about another, especially when I've enfactuated them from past experiences. People change--daily it seems. If I want sincere (pure) relationships, I must at least attempt to relate with people in the present moment. Seems that's part of 1 Corinthians 13's "love" chapter:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails."

Someone told me a number of years ago to "chew on this Scripture for a while". And I've been chewing ever since.

If I have ever en-factuated you, I apologize, and I ask for your forgiveness. Let's attempt to see each other with Love's eyes, at least for this very moment.

Have a great 2012!

SEASONAL BLAHS

This time of year is hard for so many people--there's so many expectations that seem to fall flat, and so many memories of "better times". It surprises me sometimes that we keep holding onto a tradition that no longer carries much spiritual significance, yet brings so much "yuck" to so many people.

Today is a gray day, a perfect day for SoulCollage®. I've already been run over by that damned reindeer, and The Ghost of Christmas Past has already rattled my cage, so I thought I spend time SoulCollaging the Season--I've needed to for a long time.

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

I am the one who longs for Love to come with the key that unlocks the chains of the Ghost of Christmas Pasts. I've tried it seems forever to unlock the chains myself, but I can't seem to find the right key, so I wait. Love will come, then I'll be free.

I'm reading Ilia Delio's The Emergent Christ, in which she writes: Jesus consistently states that nostalgia or regret will thwart the unfolding reign of God. All those who put their hand ot the plow and look back are not fit for the kingdom of God; the reign of God is before us, not behind us. Elsewhere he says that it is important to follow him, to go forward rather than to dwell in the past:'Follow me, let the dead bury their own dead.'"

When I read that, I knew that she was talking to me--or Christ is.

The holiday season has been difficult for me for a very, very long time, and it seems no matter how hard I try, I get caught up in "what used to be".

I just posted on Facebook about one of my holiday season pet peeves--wanting "Christ back in Christmas". If Christ isn't in my Christmas, it's not "their" fault (whoever they are). I think Jesus would say, "Move FORWARD...Quit wanting what used to be and move forward. Learn to love what IS today." And I think he just might say that to us a Christians who long for the "good ole days". Our country has changed, and religion has changed. It's time for us to get with the program and let the new thing come--whatever it looks like.


RUNOVER AGAIN

One of Jim's favorite Christmas songs is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". I hate it. It's the way I feel a lot of the Season--what just hit me!?! Most of the time it feels like a mack truck instead of a reindeer, but it always surprises me when it hits me. I'm never prepared.

I believe in the healing power of SoulCollage®, and I believe in the power of Christ to heal. So, I've done my part (and will continue to), and I'll wait for Love to come. It will. That's the promise I wait for, Advent--Light will come again.

The Rat of My Mind - Getting off the Hamster Wheel

It’s with a grateful heart that I write this morning.

I spent time with my Engaging Scripture practice this morning. The passage was Matthew 21:1 -14, the disciples questioning Jesus about when he was coming back and what the end of time was going to look like.

It came too close on the heels of our “Rapture” guy this weekend. As I read the passage, I felt myself tensing up, contracting on the inside, being frustrated at the stupidity of it all, and frustrated with the point of view that keeps us focused on the negative and the end, instead of today. I could feel the conflict inside of me, as I rushed through today’s Practice to something else that would be more applicable to my current worldview, even a little angry at myself that I couldn’t “get” the Scripture today—surely there had to be a middle ground somewhere.

Engaging Scripture was not a blessing today, and my response was one of internal conflict, frustration, and a feeling of “going backward”.

Then I listened to my on-line class’s weekly session: The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You. As usual, it was Good News, and uplifting. Then, I found the practical application for me TODAY.

Leslie said, “If we’re journeying inside ourselves it’s helpful to know how we get in our own way.”

As she continued talking about our thought patterns and what gets “foregrounded”, it dawned on me that my old cultural worldview was what was being foregrounded as I read that passage from Matthew. And that old worldview demandsthat I get it right—that I interpret Scripture right, and that I live my life right.

There was a day not too long ago, when all I thought about was what the disciples asked Jesus that day: “When are you coming back? What will the signs be?” That’s all I lived for. That was my whole worldview only 10 short years ago. And I was so sure it was right.

But I see with a new pair of glasses today. I see Christ often now-a-days in the faces of those around me, most recently in the face of an elderly lady who sat next to me in church this past Sunday morning. All she said to me was simply, “Thank you,” but I saw Christ in her eyes, and I heard Christ in her voice. Every hair on my arms and neck stood at attention, what Leslie calls “a body buzz”, and I knew that I knew it was Christ who was thanking me, and gratitude flooded my heart as tears stung my eyes.

This new worldview helps me see goodness all around me. It keeps me focused on today, this present moment. It keeps me aware of joy, peace, goodness, beauty, truth, and everything sweet about life, instead of focused on the narrow, the ugly, the end, and everything that’s wrong with the world we live in.

But I often find that there’s still this demand inside of me that this newer worldview be the “right” one.

Today as I listened to Leslie teach, it came to me once more that every point of view is just that, only a point of view—partial and incomplete. I don’t have to figure out that passage; I don’t have to judge whether or not it’s right or wrong to live life that way. I don’t have to judge my own self for feeling frustrated, even angry that I picked up an old pair of lenses to read Scripture with. I don’t have to do anything but feel my feelings, welcome them, and surrender them to Love.

It really doesn’t matter what point of view you or I see, it only matters that we realize it’s a partial point of view. And it only matters that we surrender our demand to have “the right point of view” in the face of Good News, that we are not separated from God: “the One is already here. We are being invited to the feast. We are being invited to participate in that which is greater than ourselves. And there’s even more Good News: Grace itself loves chaos and allows for destruction—chaos and destruction always birth something new. It’s a way of getting our attention; it’s a way of seeing a higher order, an order that can hold more complexity”. (from Leslie’s talk).

It’s ok that my understanding is “messy”, and that my attention wanders, and that I don’t get “it”. It’s even ok that I get frustrated and angry when I read certain passages of Scripture. All I need to do is surrender the frustration, the anger, and the messiness to Divine Love, and relax in the knowing that I’ll never be able to see it or understand it all.

And I find myself relaxing into Love again this morning, breathing deeply and unwinding. I’ve had help catching the rat of my mind running on the hamster wheel of my demanding thoughts. And I’ve been able to stop the wheel, and get off.

Thank you Leslie, for the reminder. Thanks be to God that the Kingdom is within us, just waiting for us to learn to access it and to share it.

CATCHING THE VIRUS

She lays in her bed late at night
nestled deep in the tranquility of her pint-sized world
attentive to conversations
around the kitchen table.
Voices,
rising and falling
with great vibrato,
contagion filling the air -

God talk.

Her 6-year old heart races as she attends their words.
O, to be like her daddy
who sits at that table.
Smart, handsome, the
very image and likeness of God -
Father.

School begins tomorrow.
He heads back to college to study more about God.
She dreams of holding his hand,
ascending infinite steps,
cracking through massive doors
to the great halls of wisdom -
her first grade class room.

Years fly by.
She continues to experience the effects of the virus,
a passion for learning and

God talk.


I've been pondering the energy around taking this on-line Integral Christianity course called Coming Home. The energy hit me Sunday morning before church, and I'm still living in it. Absolute joy at the idea of taking a course about "God". I'd rather do this than paint or even travel (my other two loves). It's what drives me, this love of learning about God and exploring the next phase of spirituality. It's a wonderful "virus" to have caught from my dad. I'm not well informed about "spiral dynamics", but that phrase has gone round and round in my for the last couple of days, as well. Perhaps it's connected? Not sure, but whatever's going on, it's juciy and alive and wonderful. An absolutely delicious feeling of LIFE!

SoulCollage® - THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE

I am the one who calls you to “Repent!”
You’re thinking so small.
Lay aside your riches and treasures,
your notions of truth.
Move! From the small mind of EOS,
through the Eye of the Needle
into Beginner’s Mind.
Open your hands and heart;
receive the Mind of Christ
no either/or, us/them, mine/yours,
but instead only the Whole.
Look for the new perspective.


Jesus began to proclaim, “Repent for the Kingdom of heaven has come near.” Matthew 4:17

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 3:5

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God. Matthew 1”9:24

The “needle”: Bourgeault’s “transformed consciousness”, Zen Roshi’s “beginner’s mind”, Merton’s “point of nothingness”, Jesus’ “poor in spirit”.

The “camel”: our “egoic operating system” [EOS], the small mind, the dualistic thought process, the either/or “binary mind that always perceives from a sense of scarcity and keeps track of the score through comparison and contrast”.

“Repent”: move “beyond the mind…into the larger mind…escape from the orbit of the [EOS]…and move instead into that nondual knowingness of the heart which can see and live from the perspective of wholeness.”

“At the center point of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and illusion, a point of pure truth, a point of spark which belongs entirely to God.” Thomas
Merton

Sometimes it seems Someone Else is doing SoulCollage® for me.

At my class Saturday, I was drawn to this camel—couldn’t put it down. What the heck is this about? Didn’t have a clue, except: “I really like this camel and I know that it has something to say.” So, I cut him out and brought him home.

This morning I picked up Cynthia’s book, and began reading Chapter 4 on repentance, The Path of Metanoia. The camel’s picture popped into my mind! It was so much fun! I could hear Jesus laughing all the way to my studio as I raced to find my camel, and I could hear him, too: “Eye of the needle, Sheila”. Sometimes things just click, and you know you know. You don’t know how you know, but you know you know. And it’s just delicious.

I think I just might learn to love that nasty old word “repentance” again. Surprise!

All quotes except those noted are from Cynthia Bourgeault’s book, The Wisdom Jesus”.

Hilarious Hilary!

I am the one who says to you, "LAUGH SHEILA! Get over yourself! Life is wonderful! LAUGH OUT LOUD!"

I attended a SoulCollage® class yesterday . I haven't done SoulCollage® for months! It's amazing how quickly I can forget how good something is for me. After taking my facilator's class last June, then holding a few classes, we had Mother's knee surgeries, I took my Sabbatical, and, well, time just got away from me. I meant to get back to it, I really did, but...well, you know how "important" other things just creep in. So, when I got the invite from Glenda Rice in Houston, I thought, "timing is everything! GO!"

And I'm so glad I did. And these lips and the spiral, and this wonderful photo of Hilary Clinton just blessed my socks off. This isn't about her politics--it's about her absolute gift of laughter! Raucus, gut bustin' laughter!

I live most of my life in the 4 room of the Enneagram--Ms. Melancholy, you know. Life is hard, and sad, and my story is so very, very important. It's so easy for me to frown, to be sad, to get angry, but laugh??? That's another story! My goodness, how much of my life I've lived in that tiny room. Mother and I have spoken often about how "serious" life was supposed to be. She was often told it wasn't "lady like" to laugh out loud. And I didn't have a pretty smile, what with my crooked teeth and bad gums, and all, you know? And I was a Puritanical Calvinist Christian, you know, who took life so seriously. That joy and happiness stuff was only for Heaven and the sweet by-and-by. I've even used the phrase, "At least they're good for a laugh", in a not so polite way.

But things they are a changing. To my friends who know how to belly laugh, BLESS YOU! To those of you who are GOOD for a laugh, THANK YOU. And oh, the joy of growing old and simply not giving a damn anymore! LIFE, I thank you!

And this morning, Thank you Hilary! If that powerful #8 can laugh like this, why can't I!

Can't you hear her, "Come out of the shadows Sheila! Drop your guard. Get out of your head and drop into your gut and LAUGH, for pete's sake."

LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH. Someday you'll catch me with my guard down, my mouth wide open, tears in my eyes, snot running down my nose--LAUGHING all the way home! :)

Synchronicity At Work...

I'm considering submitting some poetry for publication, so I revisited this poem, written last September. Seems this was a synchronistic moment:

Following the Star

Do you see it?

There,

Right there,

High in the sky…
there it is!

The Star!

I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
So bright,
so beautiful,
so compelling…

I find myself longing to follow that Star.

What?
You say I’m crazy?

Maybe…may be
But,
but what if,
what if following that Star just might lead me home?

What if following that star
just might lead me to the place of peace I long for?

My heart and mind are filled with desperate “what ifs”
that make staying here, in this place,
next to impossible.

So, here I am
like a crazy fool
packing my bags
loading this camel
and heading out over this desert,
into this broad expanse of wasteland.

I have to go
I’m compelled to follow

The Star calls me home.

September 18, 2010

I even posted it here on my blog back in September, along with a picture of the same SoulCollage® card that I did also in September. In retrospect, that star seems to have been pointing toward Pine, Arizona and my time spent at Spirit Falls on Sabbatical. I simply love how Life unfolds, always toward the next thing. Generosity at its finest. This synchronistic moment this morning gives me reason to once again give thanks to the Divine Unfolding.

New Painting - Emerging

I've been working on this for the last couple of days. It's done from one of my SoulCollage(r) cards, and it's painted in acrylics. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it. Inside all of us as women is a young one emerging, as well as an older, hidden one who helps us along: maiden, mother and crone. I also thought of my grandaughter who's definitely emerging, with her mother and her grandmother nearby. We become who we are by standing on the sholders of those who've gone before. I think I heard that somewhere!

Namaste!

PS, a later addition

She Is

Maiden, Mother, Crone
Cocooned, Emerging, Guiding
Daughter, Mother, Grandmother
Seeker, Birther, Wisdom...

She Is

October's Journal Pages

You know, sometimes we get too busy or too distracted to plug into our creative side on a regular basis, so it really helps to have an incentive. Our 3rd Act crones are working on collabrative journals over the course of a year, so each month I have an extra "push" available. This month, I was given 4 white pages to be creative on--it's usually only two, so this was really cool. And I had so much fun.

What's really neat about these journals is there's no plan when we begin. All of us have talked about how special it is that the Muse shows up and something wonderful happens with each journal. This month, it seems Spirit was speaking: "Wake up, and stay awake!" It's good to be reminded.

SILENCE AND SOLITUDE

Ahhhh, what a beautiful morning. Cool, crisp, windows open, birds singing, my "bliss station", and beautiful, golden silence.

You know, hospitals just aren't silent. And there's no such thing as solitude. Over the years, I've learned the value of silence and solitude, and I "require" that space in order to function as a human. That still, somewhere in the shadow of my psyche, sounds selfish, but it's not. It's fact. And I am reminded often just how much I require it in order to function well.

My dear precious mother has been recuping from knee replacement in our local hospital. She's had a couple of setbacks, so I was been there with her for 6 days. She's precious and I love her, but there just wasn't any silence or solitude. Her doctor sent her to the rehab floor yesterday afternoon, and I was told, "Go home." This morning, I was was in my "bliss station", listening to golden sounds of silence, and feeling the sweet honey of stillness wash over my soul.

Then I opened my Bible to begin my "Engaging Scripture" study, and there, on a little piece of paper, tucked into oblivion was this little dittie that Andy shared with us one evening as preparation for centering prayer. It was just the "permission" I needed to relax into my silent moment and breathe.

SOLITUDE
(from Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the 12 Steps

The most simple spiritual discipline is some degree of solitude and silence. But it's the hardest, because none of us want to be with someone we don't love. To be with our own thoughts and feelings, to stop the addictive prayer wheels and just feel what we're really feeling, think what we're really thinking, is probably the most courageous act most of us will ever do.

There's probably no way out of our addictive society--and our addictive, dysfunctional families--apart from some significant and chosen degree of silence and solitude.

I go to agrarian societies, places in Africa or the Philippines, and there I see non-addicted people. I see people who lead quiet, simple lives, under stimulated, with a few basic truths that they hold onto all their life. Think of how many things stimulate us daily: radio, television, billboards, conversations. We've go to slow down the chatter, the stimulation; we've got to feel many feelings which have been pent up and denied for decades. We've become overloaded, which is why we're afraid to do it.

We won't have the courage to go into that terrifying place of the soul without a great love, without the light and love of the Lord. Such silence is the most spacious and empowering technique in the world, yet it's not a technique at all. It's precisely the refusal of all technique.

I encourage you, find yourself a "bliss station" (mine's a certain chair in my living room), and just be still--just for 10 minutes, be still and simply breathe. Make some room in your life for purposed silence and solitude. Listen to the quiet and the sound of your own breath. Make it a daily practice. Get to know yourself, and the Holy.

Namaste.

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS

Following the Star
September 18, 2010


Do you see it?

There!

Right there!

High in the sky…
there it is!

the Star!

My –

I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
It’s so bright,
so beautiful,
so compelling…

I find myself filled with longing to follow that Star?

What? You say I’m crazy?

May be…maybe –
But,
But what if,
But what if following that Star just might lead me home?
What if following that star just might lead me
to the place of peace I so long for?

My heart, and my mind, are filled with the desperate “what ifs” that make staying here,
In this place,

Next to impossible.

So, here I am,
Like a crazy fool,
Packing my bags
And loading this camel
And heading out, over this desert,
Into this broad expanse of wasteland –

I have to go
I’m compelled to follow

The Star is calling me home.
(TAEHS, Matthew 2.1-12)

VISION BOARD - THE WELL

It's been a wonderful quiet day. Spent time in my studio making a vision board for The Well. I love the idea of "visionating" something into birth.

It was a gift to me from the Muse for my birthday.

SoulCollage® Slideshow

The Gentle Spirit of SoulCollage® and the Storm Survivor

I am so taken with the gentleness of SoulCollage®. One of the principles of SoulCollage® is “the answers are already inside you; you have everything you need”. And it’s true.

Over the last few years, I’ve gone through my own “dark night”, questioning everything I’ve ever been taught, listening to all the judgments I’ve ever made and questioning my conclusions, and finally deciding for myself what to keep and what to let go of. My questions have been: Who told me that? Do I really believe it? Is it really of value to me? Is it any longer useful in my life?

That’s a hard thing for a 55-60 year old woman to do. My faith, my beliefs, my values, my politics—everything seemed to be caught under the lens of a microscope. It was all turned upside down.

Hebrews 12 tells of just that kind of “shaking”: “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heaven. This phrase, ‘Yet once more,’ indicates the removal of what is shaken—that is, created things—that what cannot be shaken may remain.”

This piece of dirt called Sheila has been shaken, turned upside down and shaken until her teeth are about to fall out. I never knew that verse even meant my religious beliefs and the values I walked through life by.

I’ve been shaken, and so has my family. And it’s been brutal. I’ve watched the dreams I’ve had for my sons crumble—and I’ve had to grief what I had hoped for them.

But back to SoulCollage®--Thursday was my day to go tape a 30-minute segment for a local TV station. And I had already decided to let intuition run the show—after all, that’s one of the grandest gifts of this process. It believes in and trusts intuition.

So that morning while going through my things and getting my “stuff” together, I happened upon an image that really drew me—a silhouette of family: a mother holding the hands of two children, and a dad kind of off to the side. There were words written across his body, and since he seemed a little distant, I cut out the silhouette of the mother and children and decided not to use him.

I still wasn’t sure I would use this picture, but I thought of it all morning.

And it was the image I used in my demo. I worked with this image and a stormy background. I “knew” she was coming out of the storm.

“I am the one who has walked through the storm, bringing my family with me. I am the one who is now walking into blue skies. The storm has, for the most part, passed. I am walking into blue skies in peace. I have peace in my heart, and peace is my theme. I am a storm survivor.”

After the taping was over, I found out another piece of my family had broken. Somehow, I already knew it. I am sad, for them and for me, but it’s been part of our shaking. And we are all storm survivors. Blue skies are just ahead. We will walk into our tomorrow in peace.

Yesterday morning, I read some of Psalm 18, from Nan Merrill’s book. That Psalm has so been the theme of the last few years for all of us. Somehow, it was the “icing” on the cake and confirmed for me that we are almost through this “shaking”. Thanks be to God.

Psalm 18

I abandon myself to You, O Living Presence, my strength.
You are my rock, my stronghold…my tower of strength…
the source of truth and light.
I call upon You, Heart of my heart,
singing praises to your Name and fear no longer holds me.

The demons of darkness assailed me,
the blindness of ignorance led me astray;
The shadows of fear paralyzed me,
the anguish of loneliness confronted me.
In my distress I called out to You…
You heard my voice…You harkened to my cry.

Then did You, O Divine Presence, show unto me a vision:
the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations of the mountains trembled
and quaked, as if to slough off the ravages of destruction…
On the wings of the wind, You did come,
with darkness a covering around You,
a canopy of thick clouds dark with water.
Out of the brightness before You
there broke through the clouds hailstones,
coals of fire left from the mountain tops.
As your voice uttered in the heavens,
thunder and lightning stormed the earth…

Yet there was no safe haven,
no hiding place from fear.
Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world laid bare,
The earth gave a might shudder
then settled down to heal
in Silence.

O compassionate One, You reached
from on high, You took me,
You drew me out of many waters.
You delivered me from the fears
that bound me, and
from ignorance that blinded me;
for they threatened to overcome me,
to separate me from You.
They came upon me when I looked not to You;
yet You, O Merciful One, were ever present.
You brought me forth into the Light;
You released my fears,
You delighted in me.
O Holy One, You see the intentions of my heart;
As I surrender to your love,
I grow in peace and gratitude.
For to lose my life is to find Life;
O keep me steadfast in love
for You, Life of my life!
The spirit of your Word is ever
before me,
the Counselor ever present to guide me…
May I walk with You justly, with mercy
and in peace,
a mirror of you love in the world…

You are the Light of my life;
You shine through my darkness…
You ways lead to wholeness…
How tenderly You live in my heart!

The Wisdom and Care of SoulCollage®

SoulCollage® is such a simple tool...yet profound prayer. I've been "feeling" some things over the last couple of months, and those feelings have been pretty well validated over the last few days. And the "boogie bears" of my mind are lurking near. My tendency in this particular situation is to "fear". But when I drew this card as my "neter" of the day, something wonderful happened.

Synchronicity is one of Love's favorite ways to speak into my life, and it always amazes me when it happens.

Andy preached a simple sermon yesterday on the prayer that Jesus taught us. He brought that simple prayer into current day language, then challenged us to do the same. Well, I'm too grown up for that...

But this morning, when I drew this card, that's exactly what happened. I made this card after "bullying" someone about a year ago. It gave me hope that my "Father" still loved me. This morning? It's a whole different message.

As I was pondering my thoughts and feeling my fears, I heard this card speak a whole different message to me:

"Sheila, I am the one who invites you to just walk away. Turn your back on the bullies in your mind that have you hiding in this dark place like a little lost puppy. Leave the pretend demons and dragons of your fears behind, put your hand in mine and just walk away. Leave them be, and come walk with me."

I was reminded of something particular regarding forgiveness that Andy talked about yesterday, so I talked about it with Love, then in my heart, I put my small fearful hand in Love's hand, and walked away from the demons in my mind. I am unable to do anything about the feelings or the fears, or whatever the situation is that stir those feelings and fears, but I can mentally put my hand in Someone's hand and walk away. At least for today.

I've been reading daily from Nan Merrill's Psalms for Praying, an Invitation to Wholeness for a while now. And today after listening to the Wisdom of this card speak to me, I ended my prayer time with Psalm 16...

Remain before me

O Living Presence,

for in You am I safe.

You are my Beloved; in You

I can do all things...

Love is my chosen food, my cup,

holding me in its power.

Where I have come from,

Where'ser I shall go,

Love is my birthright,

my true estate.

I bless the Counselor who guides

my way;

in the night also does my heart

instruct me.

I walk beside the Spirit of Truth;

I celebrate the Light.

Thus my hear is glad,

and my soul

rejoices;

I shall nto be afraid,

nor fall into the pit of despair;

In Love's presence there is fullness

of Joy.

You are my Beloved; in You

will I live.

Come SoulCollage® With Me - Dancing With The Opposites

I made this card last Thursday, when I gave my first SoulCollage® class. And I love it! Goes to show, sometimes "simple" is best!

I was raised in a black and white world of nice, tidy, little boxes. And everything fit into those nice little boxes: good/bad, black/white, up/down, big/little, right/wrong, us/them, etc. But something happened in 2004 when I drew a black and white mandala of little boxes. Since then, I've begun to dance the dance of the opposites. And I've discovered that a non-black/white world doesn't just lead to wish-washy shades of gray. It makes for COLOR! DIVERSITY! DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW! There's a million choices between black and white. There's a billion points of view between right and wrong. And it's a wonderful, wonderful world of color.

I can be a child of both day and night. I can dance between right and wrong and not really KNOW it all. I can be o so much more flexible, and yes, tolerant of others.

When this card spoke to me it said:

"I am the one who dances with the opposites! Come and dance with me. Sprinkle a little color wherevery you go. You no longer have to live on the edge and be fearful of falling off that little tight rope! Everything in between is an adventure in living! Come experience LIFE in technicolor!"

Try it. You'll like it. :)

SoulCollage® Card #3, There IS a pony in there!!!

This started out being an "archeology" card--an archetype for one who digs in the earth to find treasure, BUT, I could just hear this little one saying, "There REALLY is a pony in here!" I'm sure most of you have heard about the little girl who was shown two rooms, one with a nice gift-wrapped box in it, and the other full of shit! And she chose the room full of it--convinced that under all that stuff was a pony! :) So, I hear her say:

"I am the one who says, 'Keep digging! Don't give up! Look for the PONY!"

I'm a firm believer that everything that comes our way has "pony potential"--there's a vein of gold running through every situation. One of my very favorite passages of Scripture is Job 28. It tells me all about how hard it is to find wisdom and "treasure". It's not easy to keep believing and keep hoping, especially in some of our roughest times. But if we let go and trust the Source of all good gifts, if we keep digging, we'll find the gift.

SoulCollage® Card #2

When I was in Los Gatos for our SoulCollage® facilitator training, the dolphin came to me in a guided meditation. In SoulCollage®, one of the suits is Companions, our animal guides, one for each chakra. The 5th chakra is our voice. Couldn't figure out how the dolphin could be my 5th chakra guide, that is until I did a little research. These animals are BOTH mammals and amphibians. The swim in the ocean, then come up occasionally for air. And they are great communicators. There is a lot of research being done on dolphin communication. All very interesting. Today I hear them say:

"We are the ones who love to go deep and share the depths with others. Sometimes the language gets lost as we try to share, but that's ok--we still love to share. We also communicate joy and compassion. Follow us to the deep and trust your voice--speak your truth with joy and compassion."